


Home Isn't Home

by amythis



Category: Brooklyn (2015)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-15
Updated: 2016-10-15
Packaged: 2018-08-22 05:58:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,451
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8275291
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amythis/pseuds/amythis
Summary: After Eilis returns to Brooklyn, she and Tony need to talk.





	

Tony couldn't believe she was here. Not just in Brooklyn but in his arms. "I missed you so much," he whispered into her red hair.

"I missed you, too," she said with that lilt he'd imagined all this time. Not a brogue. It wasn't a comical Irish accent, like on the radio or movies. "Can we go somewhere and talk?"

He let go. She sounded so serious. He was a little scared but whatever she had to say, it was better to hear it in person. He used to wish she'd write to him to tell him why she wasn't writing to him. He used to imagine all kinds of things, and they all added up to she wasn't coming back. But she had. So whatever was going on with her, whatever her reasons were, this wasn't as bad as it could've been. And it was better to know. "Yeah, sure. How about the park?"

There was a park they used to walk through all the time, usually at night. It wasn't that late and it wouldn't be very empty, but he couldn't think where else they could go. If he took her home, they wouldn't get any privacy. And she no longer had her room at Mrs. Kehoe's boarding house, with the separate entrance.

She nodded and they started walking. He wanted to take her hand but he was too unsure. They didn't walk in silence. They small-talked about his job and Brooklyn and a little about her hometown and her mother.

The park wasn't far away. She sat down on a bench and then he hesitated and sat next to but not right next to her.

Then he blurted out, "Why'd you stop writing to me?"

"Because I didn't know what to say."

"Do you know now?" He couldn't help it, there was a little anger and resentment in his tone.

"Yes, I know," she said. She could be very direct and frank sometimes.

"Well?"

And then she launched into it. "It was strange being back in Enniscorthy. Or, it wasn't strange. What I mean is, in some ways it was the same as it'd always been, but I wasn't. So I saw it differently. And Brooklyn, and you, seemed so far away. I didn't know how to describe anything to you."

"OK." He could sort of understand that. He wasn't as good with words as she was, so he'd found it hard to write to her.

"The other thing was, when I was there before, there wasn't really a life for me. And now there was."

"Because of your mom?"

"Partly yes. I felt like Mam needed me, with Rose gone. But also, Rose's boss offered me her old job, because of my bookkeeping training. I told him I was going back to America, but he said I should just fill in for now and we'd see."

"Yeah, but you could get a job here, in bookkeeping."

"I know."

"Still, yeah, I understand. Your mother needed you. I know how important family is." He didn't say how relieved he was. He'd feared she'd met someone, an Irish guy. If it was family and work, well, he could understand that, respect that.

"And there was, there was a fella."

"Oh." Then what was she doing here?

"He was sweet and thoughtful and nice-looking. And he had money, so everyone thought he was a catch for me."

"Then what are you doing here?" This time he said it out loud.

"I didn't love him."

"Did you, did you, were you...?" He was really at a loss for words now. How could he ask if she'd slept with this Irish guy without it being an accusation? But how could he not ask?

"We danced. We held hands. We hugged. We kissed a few times."

"Oh." He was torn between feeling betrayed that she'd done so much and relieved that she hadn't done more.

"I know it was wrong. I knew it at the time. But I was pretending I wasn't married. You and I, we agreed it was our secret."

"Couldn't you have said you had a boyfriend back home?"

"I could've, yes. But I didn't. And then, he, Jim, asked me to marry him."

Tony felt like she had punched him in the gut. "You let it get that far?" He'd rather she'd had a meaningless fling. That he could forgive, eventually.

"Yes, I did."

"So what did you tell him? 'Oh, I'd love to but first I need to divorce my husband'?"

"I didn't give him an answer beyond I needed to think it over. And, yes, I thought about divorcing you."

"Then what are you doing here?" he repeated.

"I didn't love him," she repeated. But this time she added, "I thought maybe I could. I thought maybe I could grow to love him. And maybe you were better off without me, if I could feel this way. I thought I could give up my life here and have a different life there. I'd changed and so my life there had changed. But it hadn't."

"What do you mean?"

"Do you remember me telling you about Nettles Kelly?"

"Your mean boss? Yeah."

"Well, she knows someone who knows the Irish girl that that fella you were talking to the day we got married, was married to."

Tony almost laughed. Usually Eilis was better with words, but now she was tangled up in them. But he was too hurt to laugh.

"So Nettles knew I was married to an Italian fella in Brooklyn. I'm not sure why she told me she knew. She could've gossiped about it to someone first. I don't know if she was trying to break me and Jim up or just scare me. But she reminded me of the small-mindedness I'd forgotten. Enniscorthy hadn't really changed. But I had."

"Yeah, but. I'm sorry, Eilis, but you're only here because you couldn't stay there. This lady, well, not that she was a lady, I won't say what she was."

Eilis smiled a little. "Yes."

"She was going to ruin your life, or try to, or make you think she was going to. Your mom wouldn't get any comfort from you being there. This Jim guy would dump you, because he's probably a good Irish Catholic and he wouldn't want to marry a divorced woman. Not that I would've given you a divorce."

"You wouldn't have? Not after what I'd done?"

"Of course not. I love you!"

She smiled a little more. "I love you. Not that I deserve you."

"Yeah, well, I guess maybe, like if I went to live with cousins in Italy or something, maybe something like this could happen to me. I mean, I was 100% faithful to you. But I wasn't living far from home, in my old home. So I don't know. And anyway, I didn't marry you just to hold on to you. I married you because I never felt this way before."

"Do you still feel like that?"

"No. I need to think about who you are, because it's not who I thought it was. But you came back. Not just to Brooklyn, but to me. And I have to hope it's not because you figure I'm better than nothing."

"You are better than nothing."

"Thanks," he said sourly.

"You are better than anything I've ever known before."

"Then maybe I'm too good for you."

"Maybe you are. So where does that leave us?"

"I don't know. But let me ask you something. What if instead of rushing into marriage, we'd just got engaged? And you didn't keep it a secret?"

"Then I think it would've been easier for me. I wouldn't have led Jim on without intending to. My mother and my friend Nancy and everyone wouldn't have been nudging me towards Jim. They would've understood that I needed to go back to America. And I wouldn't have felt like our marriage was a guilty secret."

"Then let's be engaged."

"But we're already married! I told my mam and Jim that before I left."

"Well, my folks don't know. And maybe the people in your hometown don't know. And I think we're not ready for marriage."

"Are we ready for an engagement?" she said in her teasing way.

"OK, we'll go steady instead."

"You Americans have a funny way of courtship," she said, pronouncing it almost like "phony."

He almost said, "You Irish have a funny way of marriage," but instead he stood up and said, "Come on, let's go tell my family."

She didn't ask what they were going to tell. She just got to her feet and took his hand. And they walked through Brooklyn together.


End file.
